if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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