I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i barfeds in our rink
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
It's blow job season.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
