He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
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Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
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My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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