If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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