he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
