Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
