yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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