so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
BRING THE BAGELS
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
