Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
