Ambien. No doubt about it.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
And then my night got REAL pukey
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
