she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
