Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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