Me. At least after what I've been through.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
