We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
