I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
