I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
