Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
