Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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