Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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