he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
