thus making me awesome and them whores
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
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You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
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why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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