You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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