Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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