something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
