Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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