I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
