Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
it's not cheating when I paid for it
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
