How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
