I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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