Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
