yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
