Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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