Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
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I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
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I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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