Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I want her autograph on my taint
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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