we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You can't just leave with hair like that
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
