I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
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