At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
