My sheets look like a crime scene.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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