It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
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laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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