i love accidental penises.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
