Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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