It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
