i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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