I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
