Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
don't judge my taste in strippers
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
