Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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