Im at strip club and am horny
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
