guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
