Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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