pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
