I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
