I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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