when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
