pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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