I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
this will be a night to untag.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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