she woke up with a sticky ear
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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