I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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