i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
