Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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