She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
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I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
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I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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