oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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