i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
