i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
