i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize