and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
