My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
this just has baby written all over it
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
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