You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
