there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
