Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
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we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
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she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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