I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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