No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
