Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
