So drunk, too bad you don't want this
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
